.girl,youfly.

alexis ann mcconnell.. HAPPY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY!!!!!! x1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,019. giiiiirl, you are my world. C: summer's almost here and we's gonna f*** s*** up. C: i love you so! much. and i miss you so! much! more! be careful today on your adventures and love every second of this day. no one can bring you down because it's your FREAKING BIRTHDAY!!!! C: i thank God for every single blessing he's given me, especially for you! thank you deborah!!! i love you bestie. happy freaking birthday. C: .sh.

.athousandyears.

I have loved you for so long; I don't think I know how to be anything but yours. Maybe it's because I'm weaker than you. Perhaps its because I'm more compassionate. It could even be because you feelings have dwindled and mine remain. Whichever the case may be, please hold on and find your heart again because I need you too.

Please.



Sh.

.fair&fowl.

You made a fool of me.


.sh

.becausebelievingiswhatgetsusthrough.

there's a place out there for us. more than just a prayer, or anything we've ever dreamed of. so when you feel like giving up because you don't fit in down here; fear is crashing in, close your eyes and take my hand.
we can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe. it's written in the stars that shine above. a world where you and i belong, where faith and love will keep us strong. exactly who we are is just enough..

there's a place for us.

[[we spend our whole lives wanting more than anything to be exactly what they need. we change daily to mold ourselves into someone they will someday hopefully see as their savior. and if that moment never comes, one seems as lost as ever.]]

you and me. we aren't the world's normal "best friends." we go deeper than that. our connection isn't an i-can-tell-her-everything kind of a bond because we both have our secrets. our connection isn't an i-know-everything-about-this-girl kind of a bond because we are far from knowing everything about each other. no, our connection is unlike any emotional connection i've ever had..

to me, our relationship is an i-need-you-to-love-me kind.

i need you to be there.
i need you to understand.
i need you to stand up for me.
i need you to check up on me.
i need you to believe in me.
i need you to not be afraid to trust me.
i need you to love me.

i need you so much. and i'm pretty sure you need me too. but what i can't understand is, if we need each other so much, why can't we ever do anything right for the other? it's like nothing ever goes right for us. nothing ever follows through and it just leads to one of us being disappointed in the other..
i think i've figured it out..

we have these two contradicting beliefs towards one another. we have both seen disappointment in the others face at least one time during our friendship, correct? therefore, i came up with this conclusion.

i need you. you need me. [more than anything]
contradiction:
because of the times we have disappointed each other [failed to be loyal] i believe i cannot be what you need. you believe you cannot be what i need.

if this conclusion is true the answer is simple. we need to stop believing we're not good enough. we need to stop being scared that the other will disappoint us again. and we need to start acting like we need each other again. because we do.

if i'm going in a completely wrong direction with this, please tell me.






sh.

guess.i.shoulda.been.more.like.her

i wish you loved me as much as you love her.

......don't be fooled, this statement isn't about or for a boy.



am.

.goodcompany.

before my prayers i've just got to say..

FOUR MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!
finally. C: i can't wait! it even takes my mind off the agony of my land navigation lab.. BLAH. haha. i'm in suuuuuch a great mood when i think of it. C: C: C: C: C:

on a different note.

dear God, please stand by my roomie's side in the battle she's facing. help me to be strong when she can't be and help her to know when she needs to be. i love her so much and i hate seeing her hurt like this. :C

and on another different not. please grant me the courage and strength to see this through. i don't want to be with anyone else, ever. i'm trying not to lose faith but sometimes it's just so hard..

and God. be with my rock. she needs you now more than ever. i don't know how to help her. she's too headstrong for anything i say to be okay. i want her to be happy. i want her to make the right decisions. i just want you to keep her safe.

kisses to you, big man.

amen.


sh.

only.because,i.need.it

i miss you-please miss be back.
i need you-please need me back.
i want you-please want me back.
i think of you-please think of me back.


i love you- please, please love me back.




am.