getready.getset..thinking.

i've been thinking. ooh, have i been thinking. i hate thinking. it makes me so emtional. which makes me completely vulnerable. which makes me hate thinking. oh boi, i'm just like my mother. eh, that's okay, i like her. C:
anywho, i've mainly been thinking about my future..
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yes, that is me drawing a blank. which is incredibly crazy because i have told soooo many people what my future will consist of. however, right now the only thing my brain tells me, when i think of my future, is you might need a bucket to throwup in, just in case. i'm nervous. extremely nervous. what if, what if, what if.. i can't get the questions out of my head. usually i would be comforted because all the answers to my what if's were the same: she'll get me through. but, as i've found out with my previous best friend, they can't be there nearly as much when they're miles away..
now that i have no answer, i'm lost. more so than i've been before. however, she'll be within my reach during certain times: Days off, visits, parties.. but how long will that last? the visits will lessen. the parties will become lame.. forgetfulness will take over. that's a horribly depressing thought. a thought that has been knocking at my door for a long time. when she first started to become my world, i knew the day would come. you see it everywhere. the idea of loving what was and moving on to what will be..
however, there's always a what if, isn't there? maybe appearances won't lessen. maybe forgetfulness will never come. maybe comfort will remain in her for the rest of my life.. it could happen..

i hate thinking.
skh.