blue topaz heart

i used to have your necklace tight around my neck every morning when i woke up and held it tight every night when i went to bed.

some time passed and i just let it sit on my dressor. it would temp me every single day. and reminding me of someone i didn't wanna think of.

i put it on the other day and looked at it around my neck in the mirror. i pondered for a bit and took it off. i put in the garbage. it looks much better there.



am.

saving lives.

i think promise rings are overrated. if a guy is willing to commit like that, why wouldn't he just ask you to marry him? why prolong what he basically says is going to happen with a promise ring.

i promise to promise you that i'll someday get married to you.

bull shit! first off. men's promises don't mean anything. unless it's your gay best friend, i would never trust a guy until he proves himself trustworthy. my friend got a promise ring from her boyfriend last year.. an update: she isn't with him anymore (what a promise) and i now have the ring. (i have a fettish with shiny things)

bottom line is. promises are stupid if they don't mean anything.. no. scratch that. all promises are stupid. if you want to have a secret kept between two people then you have to pinky promise. bc those are ligit.

and if you break them. there's a 100% possibility that you're going to hell. :)

[.sh.]

breath.

The frost bitten air grabbed my breath and stabbed my lungs as he led the way into the damp forest. I could feel the rage of numbness over taking my body instantly. I fell into sync with his footsteps. Left, right, left, right, his rhythmic pattern embedded into my mind as i followed him almost too closely, like a child afraid of losing her most prized possession.. Only one part of the big picture was on my mind, i was going to miss him entirely. He had been my best friend ever since we met in fourth grade and boy did he fit the part perfectly. HE was my one and only. HE was the magnet that held the best to the friend. HE was James Tyler Moore..

i'm writing a story. i think i like it.

sh.

B.A.

why do we spend our whole lives waiting for the impossible?

you think we'd have more sense then that.

sh.

wreck.

i know you could have been easier on me
you could have been all i held on to
i know you weren't fair
and i tried my best to not care about you.
i know you could have been a better man
but you always had to have the upper hand
so now i'm struggling to see the better side of me.

i guess i never knew you after all.

am.

done.

i did it. i finally broke away from you and your nonsense. you tried to get me to stick around incase what you have going gor you now doesn't work out. but no. i'm done. i'm cutting every string that holds us together. you said i mean a lot to you and want to talk to me and want to be friends. but i finally stuck up for myself. no. we can't be friends. we can't be anything. there is no we anymore. there could have been, but i'm not willing to put my heart on the line anymore for you. you abused the privledge. so now i'm gone.

see ya.

am.

go.

so a friend and i bonded yesterday by cleaning out our cars. barely any words were said, but really none had to be spoken. it was nice in its own little way. i'd even go as far as to say it was peaceful. i liked it. how awkward right?

i find it kind of weird that i can find so much enjoyment out of nothing. it was manual labor and it took awhile but it was good. i think i liked that i could just be in my own mind and have that comfort of not being alone. i didn't have to speak of the events that went on in my day or anything. i could rest in my thoughts.

she didn't push any subjects either. she probably was thinking the same thing as i was, sometimes it's nice not to have question and answers. it's nice to be understood without a breath passing btw two people.
.sh.