.forgiveme.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,

And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,

And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,

And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,

And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for missing you so,

And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for giving up on us,
and I'll try to forgive myself for not giving up sooner..


sh.

neverland.

i love you

you say so, but i think it is your biggest pretend.

sh.

.moderndayshakespeare.

[she sits on ground drawing in the dust beneath her.]
[they enter stage right and approach her.]

they ask:

do you regret it?

[she stops drawing and looks up]

she says:

no, not at all. i forced myself to be like everyone wanted me, or perhaps, even needed me to be. my whole life revolved around meeting expectations and when i finally got away from it all, when i finally broke free, i loved it. i needed to become everything i hated, everything morally wrong, a thing of disgust in the eyes of most, drawing pity from every figure who looked my way, because i was that torn down and broken. i was tired and fed up.

[she stands and faces them.]

i had to lose myself in order to find myself.

i once was lost, but now am found.

i now know who i am. i know where i'm going. i have my morals in check and i will conquer every goal i set. i am stronger than i've ever been. so, no. i will never regret that life changing experience of losing myself, because i've found a better me. and i'm never letting go.

[she turns and exits stage left.]

[deleted scene.]

girl 1:

you know what i mean?

[she looks at girl 1 sad at first, quickly turned to anger, then slowly subsiding to pity]

she says:

yes, i know exactly what you mean. for the exact instance happened to me a long while ago with someone very special. someone whom i trusted above all else. someone who could have been great, but chose instead to become a coward, hidden behind lies that are too weak for their own good. girl, i know exactly what you mean..

and not only are your words incredibly ironic..

they still cut me just as deeply as before..

[she exits stage right. never seen again by girl 1.]

sh.

learning.

half of life is messing up.
and the other half is dealing with it.





am.

aam!

We're gonna stay up! and we're gonna take pictures! and we're gonna stay up some more! and we're gonna take more pictures! and we're gonna laugh and laugh and laugh! and we're gonna have so much fun! fun, fun, fun! i'm soooooooooooo excited!! i've missed you soooooooo much!!

happy day! happy day! happy day!




.sh.

&& here we go again.

seriously?? da fuck??!!
This is the 4th time I've been legit sick in the past few months! I have a headache, ear ache, my throat hurts, my body aches and am starting to get the puking feeling. All causing me to not be able to fall asleep. On top of that I have to get up for chem lab in less than 3 hours and have class straight until 5pm. A whole day of school and quizzes on 3 hours of sleep!! Are you kidding me?! It's not like it's enough not having my best friend with me, seeing one of my other good friend fall into so many bad holes, watching my whole family be in relationships while I'm single as shit. I'm going through this whole mess alone! So why not body, just be sick and make me more miserable.

I guess asking for a small break is waaay too much to ask!! ugggh fml.

Whatever, bring it on.



am.

.pity.

i've been thinking, a dangerous pass time, i know. my thoughts are twisting, dodging and tangling up in one another. however, one thought came out crystal clear through all the mumbo-jumbo. as if someone shined a light on this particular thought, i saw it clear as day.

you haven't grown up, yet. you're still stuck in the comfortably safe world that you had created for yourself with your parents and school. you hide behind your ever-so-innocent look that you've learned to milk very well throughout the years. you thrive on the dramas of your past life and you just cannot for the life of you give it up.

i feel extremely sorry for you, i really do. pity, even. but, i know this was all brought upon by you. all of our choices are our own. frightening? for sure. nevertheless i will continue setting the expectations high for you, and i will continue to be disappointed because you choose to choose wrong. and in that choosing, you've decided to not go out and make something of yourself. you're choosing to stay in the years where everything was simple because you are a afraid someone will tell you, you're not good enough.

well, you know what? no one is ever not good enough. they simply choose to be below the standards that they wish to achieve. i guess this concept becomes more clear when you grow older and more mature. the lucky ones mature early and realize this before it's too late.

fortunately, there isn't really a time limit on change. lucky for you. stop living in a world where you never actually live. grow up. face your fears. and become something.


sh.